I had the best of intentions last night. I had my last blueberry muffin Larabar in the car on the commute home and picked up Rascal from my aunt’s house. Brad called me to say he was about to get on his flight and should be home between 7:30 and 8 pm.
Then, I hit traffic. Oh bother.
By the time I got home it was nearly 7 pm and I was starving. I reconsidered my plans to run three miles and decided to eat dinner and wait to see how I felt.
Not only was I on the fence about running, I was pretty noncommittal to making dinner, so I dug into leftovers.
Carbs was all I wanted. Carbs, carbs, and mo’ carbs.
Besides the white bean tofu soup, I made this wonderful piece of toast with a slab of Brie and honey. This used to be my favorite go-to snack after late night grad school classes. I’m not sure why I have abandoned my love of Brie and honey on toast for so long.
The carb cravings wouldn’t stop (what’s up with that?), so I took it upon myself to finish the box of granola. And I might have eaten the last piece of Lindt dark chocolate and forgotten to take a photo of it, but who’s counting?
To make up for my uninteresting dinner, the workout that never happened, and my sub par photography, I’m going to share with you a ridiculous photo of Rascal and I.
If you can believe it, he actually arranges himself on the couch this way, all on his own. Brad and I joke that he thinks he’s a little boy and tries to sit like us, sleep like us, and listens to our conversations like he understands.
Not ridiculous enough?
Here’s the full body shot.
I hope you appreciate that in sharing this photo, I’ve also shared my ridiculous non-matching circa 2005 pajamas pants.
***
So some of you might be thinking, “What happened to the January challenge? Wasn’t she going to at least do 30 minutes of exercise every single day in January?” And you’re right. I did say that. And over the past month, I have reevaluated why I challenged myself to get 30 minutes of exercise everyday and the reason is this: I was slacking off on my workouts and needed a goal to get me out of a workout rut.
During the month of January, I have been way more successful in listening to my body, doing what’s best for it, and exercising for the joy of it and the way it makes me feel. I was sick at one point, right before my marathon, and wanted to make sure I did everything in my power to recuperate before my race. I made the decision that rest would be my best bet at getting over my illness before the upcoming marathon weekend. Best decision ever. Since then, there have been two nights, last night and last Thursday night where workouts didn’t happen and I am A-okay with that. In fact, I am proud of that. My schedule is pretty intense. I don’t often have time to grab drinks with friends or my husband on a week night.
When the opportunity presented itself and after working out everyday for the past week, I went with what I wanted and that was to hang out with my husband and his coworkers. When I was exhausted last night and starving and just wanted to spend time with my husband who had been gone all week, I did what my body and my heart wanted, and I didn’t run.
I can be a person of extremes. I tend to lean toward everything being either black or white. I give all or nothing. If I can’t do it the right way, I don’t want to do it at all. This isn’t something I’ve accepted about myself because I don’t think it’s a healthy attitude. And in some ways, the January Challenge reflected this. I didn’t give myself an “out” for any rest, relaxation, time issues, unforeseen sickness. Nothing. I was going to exercise every single day because that might make up for all those times I was lazy and didn’t go.
That, my friends, is not a healthy attitude. I think it’s important to fess up and learn from these mistakes. I love myself, but I know this is something I need to work on. The black or white attitude sets me up for failure every time.
I don’t regret the January Challenge because every little slip and stumble makes me more aware of who I am as a person. These failures are actually triumphs because they make more capable of making healthier decisions for myself in the future.
I’m back to loving exercise and I’m sure in time, I’ll go through a period of not loving it again. Such is life. But in the future, I know I’ll approach it from a better mindset, a perspective of realizing my limits, and embracing my strengths.
Are you a black and white person? How have you gotten over this detrimental mindset to be a more balanced person?